I Don’t Know HOW My Parents Could Rent a Movie Called “Friends With Benefits”
…and then balk at all the graphic sex scenes.
Here! Please to enjoy transcriptions of actual dialogue taken from my parents during the sex scenes of Friends With Benefits…
Dad: David? Who is this guy again? Justin Timberwolf?
Mom: What is he? Isn’t he a singer? Why is he acting now?
***
Dad: Honey! Look at that headboard! I think I can make something like that for the bed in the guest room.
***
Mom: Why did you rent this?
Dad: I thought you would think it’s funny! It’s supposed to be funny! It’s a love story.
Mom: This isn’t a love story. This is a SEX story.
***
Mom: Mila Kunis is so tiny, it makes her huge ears look bigger than they already are.
***
Me: You know guys, a lot of families would find it embarrassing to watch sexually graphic scenes together. I’m glad that we have the kind of mature relationship where we can see a movie like this, as a family, with minimal ensuing awkwardness.
(Justin Timberlake begins to perform cunnilingus on Mila Kunis)
Dad: (snickers)
Mom: Press fast forward. FAST FORWARD, NOW!!!
Me: (grabs remote)
Me: Weeeell, that was nice while it lasted…
