Merlin: I would love to tell Arthur the truth, Sir Stefon. But where would we go?
Sir Stefon: Look no further! Camelot’s hottest club is *POOF*. 47 year old lazy-eyed Norseman, Bjorn Jobbe, has gone all out with this new hot spot that finally answers that age-old question: FORSOOTH?
Melrin: What are you talking about?
Sir Stefon: This place has everything! Trolls. Unicorn Bucking Contests. Distilled Drinking Water. Goblicking… Merlin, you HAVE to take Arthur.
Merlin: Wait. Wha-what’s Goblicking?
Sir Stefon: It’s like that thing of when you dance with a Goblin until he gets really hot and sweaty, and then you lick him and get a wicked buzz. It’s kind of intense. You have to stay hydrated or else your heart explodes with glitter.
Merlin: Is there magic there?
Sir Stefon: Well, duh. Yes. And tonight is drag night! There’s this fantastic performer by the name of Rustina Anvilera. He’s a blacksmith by day and a female impersonator after dark. Oh! And he sings in a band with a bunch of other blacksmiths called LadyBlacksmith Black Mambazo. Veeeery Convincing.
Merlin: I don’t think Arthur would want to go to a…(hushed whisper) a magic club.
Sir Stefon: Why not? You don’t have to use magic to go to a magic club. Besides, magic clubs play the best music.
Merlin: But…but practicing magic is forbidden in Camelot!
Sir Stefon: Oh, please! I have been out with half the nobles in this kingdom and I can tell you, from personal experience, that those skanks are no strangers to *Poof*. Believe you me.
Merlin: I don’t care what they think. What would our friends think if we got caught?
Sir Stefon: Who? Gwaine? Lancelot? Gwen? I’ve seen them all there. Like I said before, you don’t have to use magic to go to a magic club. Normies go all the time.
Merlin: Wait…Gwen too?
Sir Stefon: Oh yeah, she’s a total Mag-Hag.
Merlin: Wow. Well, maybe it won’t be so bad then…
Sir Stefon: I’m telling you, every scrumptious knight worth his Mead-garita salt will be there. You’d be surpised how many of them have, uh, shall we say “dabbled” in the arts? (begins counting off on his fingers) Sir Justin Timberlake. Sir Robert Pattinson. Sir Andrew Garfield. Sir Jesse Eisenberg….
Melrin: Sir Jesse and Sir Andrew?!
Sir Stefon: Oh I know, riiiiight? I saw Sir Andrew at the premiere of a play with that limp-haired shrew from the House of Woodward. I told my friend, Sir Seth Meyers, I told him: “Gurl, he must be using magic if he has to look at that all day long.” Face like that would make anyone turn to sorcery.
Merlin: I didn’t think I gave off any, uh, magic vibes. How did you know- how did you know what I was?
Sir Stefon: (sassy finger snap) Witch, please…