Holy Moley! Somebody actually recorded a performance of SLASH FRIDAY NIGHT!? This is easily the most flattering thing anyone has ever done involving my writing. Thank you so much for making this happen, Blaineisatimelord!
Sidenote: Hearing someone else sing this out loud makes me realize something about the lyrics that I probably should have notated. In the Merlin marathon section, I always pronounced “fiction,” in my head, so that the tion part sounded like the name “Sean.” Doing so helped it rhyme better with ‘thon and ‘thong.
This is no criticism against the recorded song. It’s perfectly lovely as it is (I’ve listened to it around seven times now). This nuance in pronunciation is something that I did in my head and failed to spell out when I posted the parody in the first place. I just wanted to throw it out there, for the sake of clarification, in case people were wondering how to make “fiction” fit in better while singing along.
Reiteration: I AM BLISS-ED OUT RIGHT NOW! This is incredible!
You have my heart, Megan!
Slash Friday Night (Original song by Katy Perry, Parody lyrics by questionableliterarymerit)
Kirk and Spock are in my bed.
Slashy thoughts are in my head.
Cosplay friends are sleeping in.
But my head’s in such a spin!
Angry neighbors pound my door.
Wincest art is on the floor.
Roll my sleeve up, there’s a clue…
My new Jewnicorn tattoo?
Posted photoshops without watermarks…
Oy Vey! Oh well.
My McFassy gifs will still bring the hits today.
Damn!
Slash Friday Night!
Sang our favorite songs from Glee.
Shipping wars lasted ‘till three:
Brittana or Faberry?
Slash Friday Night!
Watched a Merlin marathon,
Then we wrote some fan fiction
about Arthur in a thong.
Slash Friday Night!
Speculated on subtext:
Magneto / Professor X
Was that just a game of “chess?”
Slash Friday Night!
Who would “pull rank” in the dark-
Steve Rogers or Tony Sta-ah-Ah-ark?
This friday night
Do it ALL again…
This friday night
Do it ALL again…
Disclaimer: The .gifs are not mine, the lyrics are not mine, the song is not mine. The .gifs belong to whoever they belong to (just found them around tumblr). The original song (Last Friday Night) belongs to Katy Perry and whoever wrote it. The Parody lyrics belong to questionableliterarymerit here on tumblr. The Karaoke version of Last Friday Night was ripped from Youtube here. I’m getting sick, so sorry for breaking your ears… the song totally isn’t in my range. I am also not a trained professional, and I sing in the key of Megan. Although, if you would like to download it (God knows why) you can download it here.
Announcement: My mom has a new celebrity crush: James McAvoy.
She was hiding her interest pretty well, until a benign disagreement over what to watch on TV after dinner almost devolved into fisticuffs. I desperately wanted to see the season premiere of Community and she was adamant about watching Becoming Jane.
Mom - Have you ever heard of the author Jane Austen?
Me - (eyeroll) Yes mother, I’m familiar with Jane Austen (Blogger’s note: FYI, I’m a f*cking English major, damn it.)
Mom - Well I want to watch this movie about her. I heard Anne Hathaway is in it and I only caught a few minutes of it once, but it looks very interesting.
Me - It also stars Professor X.
Mom - Who?
Me - James McAvoy? The guy who played Charles Xavier in X-Men First Class?
Mom - (blank stare)
Me - Remember? He’s the guy who was telepathic?
Mom - (blank stare)
Me - His friend was the Holocaust survivor who could bend metal with his mind?
Mom - (Squints eyes. Shrugs shoulders.)
Me - Jesus Christ! (changes channel to Becoming Jane)
(A wild James McAvoy appeared!)
Mom - Oh! Oh! It’s him! It’s him! I can never remember his name! (pauses and stares lovingly at the TV) I don’t know why but…I like him very much.
***
He’s handsome, Scottish, and charming. What’s not to like?
Plus, did you check out that lip-biting action at the top? Growl!
I CAN SHOW YOU THE WORLD, SHINING, SHIMMERING, SPLENDID!
The expressions here are PRICELESS. Charles/Jasmine looks so concerned, Erik/Aladdin has just the right amount of cockiness, and Raven/Abu? I can’t even BEGIN to talk about how much I love Raven/Abu! Kudos to you, Professoralaska!
(Source: miss-ginger-snap)
Wanda Sykes in “X-Men: First Sass!” (A Cherik/Charik Dialogue Ficlet)
Just a little drabble of a dialogue fic I wrote after imagining what would have happened if Wanda Sykes had intervened during that iconic, climatic moment between Erik and Charles in “X-Men First Class.” FIC WARNING: There WILL be swearing.- David
P.S. My apologies…I tried to insert the “Read More” tag over and over again, but it did not work.
***
Moira raises her gun and begins to fire off shots. Erik raises his hand and….suddenly, Wanda Sykes runs out in front of them in a bikini…
Wanda: Hey man! Why you shootin’? I’m on vacation here! If I wanted to have bullets fly over my head while I was napping, I woulda stayed in the hood.
Moira: Civilians on the beach. Repeat. There are civilians on the beach. (Moira runs away to try contact her reps at the CIA…again)
Wanda: (to Erik) And why the fuck are you deflecting bullets around like a damn fool? You ain’t even watching where they going! Someone gon’ get HURT. Fucking paralyzed. Seriously, man. We’re talking some Christopher Reeves shit. Damn.
Charles: (gets up and dusts himself off) Salutations! My apologies for my friend. We were in the middle of…an altercation of sorts.
Wanda: (skeptical frown) Altercation? I was watching ya’ll before Trigger-Happy Tiffany started firing, and believe me…I wouldn’t call that an “altercation.” It looks more like yo’ boyfriend just tried to Chris Brown your face into next Tuesday.
Erik: Boyfriend?
Charles: Chris Brown?
Erik: (turns around and realizes the missiles have plummeted into the ocean)
Erik: The missiles! Noooo!
Wanda: (to Charles) You gonna need some heavy duty Tina Turner Edition Maybelline to cover up those bruises, son. Mmm-Hmmm.
Charles: Erik, forget about the missiles! Come say hello to our new friend.
Charles: (moves to shakes Wanda’s hand) I’m Charles Xavier.
Wanda: Hey Chuck, I’m Wanda Sykes.
Erik: (bitterly) Hello.
Wanda: Oh, well don’t strain yourself or nothing making my acquaintance, you crazy helmet bastard.
(Erik holds out his hand and begins to strangle Wanda, Moira-Dogtag style)
Wanda: Hey! HEEEY! He’s chocking me! He’s chocking me with my own necklace! What the fuck kind of Harry Potter shit is THIS?
Charles: He can manipulate metal with his mind. Erik! Stop it!
Wanda: (grasping at own neck) Bitch, this necklace is solid gold!
Charles: (looks closely) Um, I don’t mean to be rude, but it appears to be gilded. With, er, gold…paint.
Wanda: (shakes her head) Last time I EVA buy jewelry from a crack addict…
Charles: Erik, please let her go!
Wanda: Bitch, you BETTA stop killing me before I break my foot offa yo ass!
(Erik sighs and then stops.)
Charles: Remarkable! What manner of power is it that you posses, Wanda?
Wanda: What? Mannah a’ powah?
(Beast runs over with a device.)
Beast: Charles? The sass-ometer is picking up dangerously high levels of sassyness in the area. This woman seems to be emitting them. (Beast waves the device over Wanda, the device begins beeping frantically)
Charles: Remarkable!
Beast: These are levels that would normally be lethal in ordinary humans.
Wanda: (to Beast) Excuuuuse me? And who the fuck are you? Why you blue? (looks over at Raven) Why she blue? (looks over to Azazel and Angel) And who the hell are they? What the—-is that the Devil with some kind of slutty fairy?
Charles: That must be your mutation, Wanda! Extreme Sassyness!
Wanda: Oh! Ohhhh mutations! I get it! I get it… That’s why you all look like a circus done broke down in the middle of the beach.
Beast: Wait, you’ve been with other mutants before?
Wanda: Well, I guess so, I mean, I done some experimentin’ back in college. But that was back when I was still trying to find myself, you know…That’s a PERSONAL question, man. Seriously…
Raven: (from afar) Mutant and proud!
Wanda: Yeah! Get it, girl! Get it!
Wanda: (to Charles in a whisper) You know, Smurfette over there is kinda cute.
Erik: This is pointless!!! We need to strike back NOW, while the humans are intimidated and vulnerable.
Wanda: Strike back? What the fuck? Are we at war or something?
Erik: We will be! The Russians and the Americans have united against mutantkind! We’ve got to fight them now, while the advantage is ours and their missiles are useless.
Wanda: Russians? Missiles? (looks around) The sandy beaches of Florida? Aw shit, I think I done traveled through time again. Fuck!
Charles: Erik, please stop this.
Erik: (moves to grab Charles by the elbow) Charles, I need you to do this with me. I need you by my side.
Charles: Erik…I…I-
Erik: We’re brothers, Charles. We want the same thing.
Wanda: Uh, do you two want me to go ahead and leave so ya’ll can have your little Brokeback moment together?
Charles: (gently grabs Erik by the shoulders) Erik, let’s go back home! We can talk all this through once we’re safe and sound. It’s too dangerous here! Let’s-let’s just go home now while we’re still in one piece!
Wanda: (raises index finger) Hold up, Chuck. Where is home, exactly?
Charles: (cheerily) At my family’s billion acre estate in a luxurious mansion.
Wanda: HOT DAMN! (claps heartily) Whoop Whoop! Case closed. Let’s go home, helmet head! Mama need a drink. You bitches made me spill my Pina Colada earlier with all that shooting ruckus.
(Erik sighs unhappily, obviously torn. He rubs Charles’ shoulder and looks at him fondly)
Erik: But- but Charles, what about…..what about Moira?
Charles: I can mindwipe her memory and then dump her off at the DMV on the way home.
Erik: But she works for the CIA.
Charles: (shrugs shoulders happily) Whatever. They’ll reroute her.
Erik: (insert giant fassy shark grin here) Charles!
Charles: (looking down) I don’t care about Moira, Erik. I —-(meets his eyes) I only care about you.
(They hug.)
Wanda: Aww! That is some sweet shit right there. Imma start fucking crying and I don’t even know you bitches!
Erik: (releases Charles from the hug but still holds him close) Wait, Charles! How will we get out of here with both the ship and submarine grounded?
Azazel: (raises hand meekly) Uhhh. I’m a teleporter. We can leave, like, whenever.
Angel: Wait. You can teleport all of us? At the same time?
Azazel: (nodding) Yeah. Yeah… We just have to hold hands.
Riptide: Really, Azazel? REALLY? You wait until NOW to tell us that you can teleport ALL of us? Together?!!!
Azazel: What? What’s the problem? I-I don’t understand…
Angel: Maybe you could have mentioned that idea BEFORE a sky full of missiles was headed straight for us? Huh? HUH?!!
Azazel: Well, I’m SORRY, but I’m mentioning it NOW. Okay? Would it kill you guys to look at the glass as half-FULL once in a while? Geez. Are there any better ideas? Angel? Do you maybe want to fly us home with your broken wings?
Wanda: Ya’ll better listen to Johnny Cash Satan over there, cause we needs to get out of here. NOW. I’m tired of bullets flying around and missiles dropping and all this fucking shouting.
Charles: Wanda! You’re coming with us?
Wanda: Shit yes! I don’t even know you, but I’m sure whatever you’ve got going on is better than being in the middle of the Cuban-fucking-Missile Crisis….motherfucker….If I ever see that slimy-ass travel agent again, Imma cut her pretty face with all those stupid brochures she keep mailing me!
Erik: It’s settled! We’re teleporting.
(Erik moves to hold Charles’ hand. Charles blushes. Raven moves to hold Erik’s other hand. Wanda intrudes and wedges herself between Erik and Raven. Raven glares at Wanda.)
Wanda: Hey. How you doing? (inspects Raven’s face) Girl, I LIKE that blue on you. It really brings out the scary yellow in yo’ eyes.
(The other mutants line up. Azazel begins to teleport off the beach but then stops)
Azazel: Wait a second. Are we forgetting something? I really feel like we’re forgetting something…
(Everyone looks around and shrugs their shoulders)
Angel: Oh wait! I know!
(Angel runs over to Sebastian Shaw’s dead body, bends down, and steals his watch.)
Angel: What? It’s not like he was going to use it! We did this all the time back at the strip club. Old guys always die while you’re dancing, but you have to make sure to steal their jewelry before you call the cops. Otherwise, well, it can get complicated.
Raven: Whore.
Azazel: No, no…that’s not it. There’s something else.
Wanda: Bitch! Hurry up and ‘port us outta here!
(Azazel teleports them off the beach)
Meanwhile…in a secret government cell:
Emma: Hello! Hello! Is anyone coming for me? Helloooooo?
(Emma huffs and places her hands on her hips)
Emma: Those bitches! Oh, well. Time to rescue, myself.
EMMA FROST-DIAMOND-ZORD-POWER! NOW!!!!
(Emma turns into her diamond mode and then crashes through the wall like the Kool-Aid Man, or the Incredible Hulk. Your choice.)
My Fandoms against H8 shirt finally came in the mail. Please excuse the horrible GPOY. It’s really hard to take a picture of yourself when you need to capture text on a tee. How’s my smile? Is it sharky? It is Fassbender-worthy?
You can get your own here. Look around! Check it out! The creator has tons of slashy goodness from all kinds of fandoms. I also got a Mark/Eduardo one that reads:
This is my life. These are my choices.
- David
Attention, X-men Cherik fans out there with mad video skills! Could some one PLEASE make a fan video using this song and scenes from X-men First Class? The idea’s been stuck in my head for days now and I can’t get it out. Examples of possible moments to sync up:
“Don’t you know what I can do to make you feel alright?” - (Charles offers to help Erik by gesturing with his “telepathy fingers”)
“Don’t pretend, I think you know I’m damn precious. And hell yeah, I’m the motherf*cking princess.” - (Adorable Lab Rat Scene)
“I can tell you like me too and you know I’m right.” - (Erik gawks at Charles strapped in Cerebro)
“She’s like so whatever. You could do so much better...” - (Charles hits on random girls. Erik brooding in his hotel room.)
“…and even when you look away I know you think of me” - (You needed me last night / “I’m with Erik” scene)
“Better yet make your girlfriend disappear. I don’t want to hear you say her name ever again“ - (Erik attacking Moira on beach)
“Cause she’s like so whatever, and you could do so much better” - (Charles abandons Moira to chase after Erik when he goes to confront Emma)
“In a second you’ll be wrapped around my finger…” - (Erik chokes Emma with metal piping while she’s in diamond mode)
“There’s no other, so when’s it gonna sink in?” (Nazi quarter pushing through Shaw’s brain)
Pepper the chorus with the X-kids dancing or Charles/Erik drinking. End with the strip club toast? Or maybe borrow from the first trilogy and show them playing chess as older boys All I ask is that you send me a link when you’re done!
X-Men: First Class Has Ruined My Life…
No matter what I do, everything in my head becomes McFassied and it’s killing me. Look! I can’t even listen to THIS SONG and not think of it as an ode to an Erik/Charles reconciliation….
Raven:
I’m coming home. I’m coming home. Tell the world that I’m coming home.
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.
I know my kingdom awaits. And they’ve forgiven my mistakes.
I’m coming home. I’m coming home. Tell the world that I’m coming home.
Erik:
“A house is not a home…” I hate that song
Is a house really a home when your loved ones are gone?
And Moira’s got the nerve to blame me for it…
but you know I woulda took that bullet if I saw it.
But you felt it. And still feel it.
And money can’t make up for it or conceal it.
But we deal with it and we keep going.
Pour out some brandy, play chess, and we keep going.
Charles, we’ve been living in sin.
‘Cause we’ve been falling in love,
but we’ve been living as friends.
So you’ve been a guest in your own home
It’s time to make that house our home-
Pick up the phone, c’mon!
Raven:
We’re coming home. We’re coming home. Tell the world that we’re coming home.
Let the rain wash away all the pain of yesterday.
We know our kingdom awaits. And they’ve forgiven our mistakes.
We’re coming home. We’re coming home. Tell the world that we’re coming home.
