I would totally pretend to be interested in football just so I could hang out with Jared Padalecki and “watch the game” (re: watch Jared watch the game).
And it would go a little something like this….
Jared - Did you see that interception?!
Me - Do you have any contra-ception?
Jared - What?
Me - It doesn’t matter. We’re both dudes. I mean…nothing. I said nothing
Jared - (turns back to TV) Oh wow! Look! They scored a touchdown!
Me - (glances at Jared’s pants) I wouldn’t mind scoring a touch…down there.
Jared - WHAT?
Me - What?
Jared - (stares at me)
Me - Ohmigod. Look. At. That. We are out of pretzels. Funny coincidence there, huh? You, me, and this big empty bowl that was previously occupied by some salty, salty pretzels. Make a man thirsty, don’t they? But thirsty for what?
Jared - (tilts head in confusion)
Me - I suppose there’s only one way to…to find out.
Jared - You- you know that I’m straight, right?
Me - Does that mean you don’t- (glances downward) that you don’t want any more- “pretzels?”
Jared - I think I’m good.
Me- (blushes with shame)
Jared - But thank you very much for asking. (flashes me a large smile)
Me - (nods head) You are ever the class act, Padalecki. I really appreciate that.
(We toast, drink, and then look up toward the television)
Me -(points to screen) Now, why are they doing that all over again? What - what just happened?
Jared - It’s a penalty. They’re replaying the down.
Me - Oh…
Jared - See, some penalties give an automatic down. Okay, this is where it can get a little confusing, see…
Voice of James Earl Jones - And so, David and Jared Padalecki watched the rest of the football game together and enjoyed each other’s mostly platonic company. And they all lived happily ever after…once Jared gave David his personal email address and David made sure not to abuse the privilege like some crazy, psycho fan-bitch.
Did I just Mary Sue myself into a mini fan fic?