Questionable Literary Merit

The last Twilight movie comes out this month. It’s time for a Robert Pattinson Tumblr roundup!

aplacecalledorange:

I think we should all celebrate by taking a moment to appreciate Robert Pattinson’s attitude and I’m laughing so much right now.

JUST ALL THAT HE IS.

I mean 

LOOK

Robert Pattinson’s ‘Twilight’ commentary.

I just

I’m going to miss this

(via mcfif)

State of Their Union Address: A Look Back At Everything Jewnicorn (Summer 2011 Edition)

It’s been a fantastic summer to be a Jewnicorn Shipper. How about we go over the highlights together? Yes? Sounds good?

(pic viagaysubtexts)

1. It’s An Honor Just To Be Nominated?

The Jewni-community was certainly disappointed with the results of the MTV Movie Awards. Andrew was nominated for Best Breakout Star, Jesse was nominated for Best Male Performance, and The Social Network itself was nominated for Best Movie. TWO snippits of dialogue from the movie were even nominated for Best Line and STILL, nobody won anything!

Because of the Twilight franchise’s steamroller-success, it almost felt as though our votes had been cast in vain. Spirits were further dampened when host Jason Sudeikis, in an extraordinary moment of douche-ery, acknowledged Andrew’s presence, forced him stand up on camera, and then promptly moved on to speak to another audience member as a part of some lame, dismissive joke.

(Collective Fan Reaction to Jason’s ”joke” [gif via iseeyouthere])

And yet, despite all the turmoil, there were still a few silver linings to this otherwise cloudy event. Vigilant fans were rewarded with several sexy photos of Andrew with both Emma Stone and Robert Pattinson (Brit-Bros-4-EVA!). And if that wasn’t enough, Project Runway designer Christian Siriano got a chance to chat with Andrew in this intriguing red carpet interview! 

It was through this strange pop culture intersection, that we were blessed with the following quote from Andrew regarding his opinion of Christian (LINK HERE):

“I didn’t hear anything you just said. I’m only looking at how… incredible you look. Across the board, head to toe. I assume the back is as good as the front…”

In all seriousness though, regardless of his sexual orientation I think it’s really cool that Andrew is so open about complimenting another guy on his style/looks. It’s nice to see he doesn’t have a single machismo bone in his body.

Personally, I think Andrew was laying the sugar on a little thick because SOMEONE *cough-Jesse-cough* refused to attend the awards show with him and now he’s a bitter Betty about the whole thing. Andrew Garfield! It’s not nice to use Christian Siriano like that- just to make Jesse jealous!

2. Armistice with McFassy Camp

Once X-Men: First Class promotion exploded on Tumblr, a new ‘ship was born. Michael Fassbender and James McAvoy had an undeniable chemistry with each other (both on and off the screen). The boys shamelessly played up that connection and got every single slash fan stirred up into a “McFassy” sex riot. Some shippers saw a shifting of political power and became worried that the new pairing would overtake the slash community and lead to the demise of Jewnicorn shipping.

From my small, biased perspective, I see no such danger on the horizon. All the Jewnicorn shippers I know who have embraced Mcfassy have done so IN ADDITION to maintaining their love for all things Jewnicorn. People should be able to “love” multiple fandoms without fidelity issues, right? If anything, I think the shipping of another exciting pair simply fuels our collective slashy fire. Besides, when is more delicious, guy-on-guy sexual tension NOT a cause for celebration? 

3. This Fandom May Have Issues…

Jewnicorn shippers (myself included) made mad dashes to their local newsstands this summer to get the latest issues of Entertainment Weeklyand GQ. Tumblr nearly shut down as everyone’s dashes filled to the brim with previews of Andrew in full Spider-Man regalia. In the meantime, Jesse got to show off his “explosive” style in a G.Q. photoshoot and received some modest Tumblr dash-ing in the process as well. Every dutiful fangirl (and fanboy) had a reaction to both magazines not unlike the bowl of fruit loops you see in the above image. Ka-BOOOSSSHHH!

(original images by thethirdreel…I think)

4. The TSN-A-THON!

This summer the TSN-(Summer!)-A-THON was organized as a way to encourage the creative production of fan content related to The Social Network as well as promote camaraderie within the fandom itself. The theme of the ‘Thon was “The Seven Deadly Sins”. I remember that the initial reaction from interested parties was so great that the member limit to each team had to be expanded at least once. The successful mobilization of this event speaks highly of the TSN fandom community, particularly toward the team leaders and organizers. If there was ever any concern about a lack of support for this fandom, I think this movement should lay any of those worries to rest! Special shout out to Team Lust, who was recently declared the winner of the ‘Thon!

(image via allthingsfangirl on Flickr)

5. Andrew’s Fanboy Moment At Comic-Con

Comic-Con is like Mecca for nerds. The privileged might attend at their leisure, but most every geek hopes to make it at least once in his or her lifetime. Similarly, once there, I imagine there’s some pressure to make the most of the visit…

This summer Andrew made every Jewnicorn attendee’s dream come true when he bum-rushed the podium under the guise of a poorly dressed Spider-Man fan (see video below). He stripped himself bare of the costume, revealed his handsome mug, and gushed the following to the audience…

His breathlessness might have just been nerves, but I suspect that he was flustered because he actually meant everything that he said.

Andrew, apparently, cares about Peter Parker the same way that we care about our beloved fictional characters. He actually feels emotional resonance for Spider-Man and realizes what a humbling, awesome experience it is to be able to play a superhero for a whole new generation of geeklings. Seeing Andrew lower his wall of coolness and show off his inner fanboy, humbling himself as a nerdly peer- wow! It was quite an experience. And almost as hot as that picture of him fellating an ice cream cone from a few weeks ago…

P.S. Did everyone catch the Howard the Duck T-shirt?

Just checkin’

6. He Loves Him. Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!

Jesse was really working hard this summer promoting his latest movie, 30 Minutes or Less. During an interview with co-star Aziz Ansari, he was asked about his relationship with Andrew, specifically, if he still “kept in touch with him.”

After some awkward, garbled speech, Jesse finally sputtered out:

“No no no, I mean yeah, no, uh, I-I-I oh…I love him.”

Video Post Here! Courtesy Tobiasbeecher!

(Collective Fan Reaction to Jesse’s Answer)

Jewnicorn shippers? Correct me if I’m wrong, but this is a defining moment for the fandom because it is a verbalized reciprocation of Andrew’s love for Jesse. Yes? There are many interviews out there wherein Andrew heaps mountains of praise upon Jesse and doesn’t blanch when describing their relationship in terms of great affection or even directly using the word “love.” I believe this would mark the first time that Jesse has communicated a similar sentiment as openly as Andrew has in the past. 

Of course, this is not any kind of “evidence” that necessarily supports the labeling of their relationship as one thing or the other, but I do think that it is a pivotal public moment because it cements whatever feelings they do openly share as being mutual. AND it proves that after all this time, despite busy schedules, timing issues, or even continental divides, the two of them still really seem to care for each other.

Closing Words…

For me, a defining moment in my personal relationship with this fandom was after the MTV Movie Awards letdown. I was scrolling through my dash, lamenting the fact that Andrew lost…and then I saw that Gaysubtexts had drawn this:

I think this image is composed of eveything that makes the Jewnicorn/TSN fandom amazing. My feelings were sort of blah after the awards show, but then I saw this drawing and suddenly…everything felt right again. I realized that the disappointments of that evening were NOT the end of the world…

Just because Jesse didn’t show up with Andrew at one measly premiere doesn’t mean they don’t care about each other! They don’t need to be in each other’s presence 24/7 to prove that to us. The feelings are clearly there, regardless of how frequently they’re expressed. True, we don’t really know the exact dimensions of their affection for each other, but we don’t need to know, because real love defies measurement. Love isn’t something that can be quantified. It just is.

One day, we may get the opportunity to thrill over another NYC encounter. Other days, perhaps there won’t be anything on our dashboards for us to fap over..but, in the meantime, we can still enjoy the contributions of the creative people of this community who constantly amaze us with their talent and thoughtfulness.

For me, that alone makes being a part of this fandom worth the while :)

Let’s go ahead and close out this address with our special musical guest, Dido! 

“But I will go down with this ‘ship. 

And I won’t put my hands up and surrender.

There will be no white flag upon my blog.

I’m a Jewnicorn, and always will be.”

Camelot’s hottest club is *POOF*

Merlin: I would love to tell Arthur the truth, Sir Stefon. But where would we go?

Sir Stefon: Look no further! Camelot’s hottest club is *POOF*. 47 year old lazy-eyed Norseman, Bjorn Jobbe, has gone all out with this new hot spot that finally answers that age-old question: FORSOOTH?

Melrin: What are you talking about?

Sir Stefon: This place has everything! Trolls. Unicorn Bucking Contests. Distilled Drinking Water. Goblicking… Merlin, you HAVE to take Arthur.  

Merlin: Wait. Wha-what’s Goblicking?

Sir Stefon: It’s like that thing of when you dance with a Goblin until he gets really hot and sweaty, and then you lick him and get a wicked buzz. It’s kind of intense. You have to stay hydrated or else your heart explodes with glitter.

Merlin: Is there magic there?

Sir Stefon: Well, duh. Yes. And tonight is drag night! There’s this fantastic performer by the name of Rustina Anvilera. He’s a blacksmith by day and a female impersonator after dark. Oh! And he sings in a band with a bunch of other blacksmiths called LadyBlacksmith Black Mambazo. Veeeery Convincing. 

Merlin: I don’t think Arthur would want to go to a…(hushed whisper) a magic club. 

Sir Stefon: Why not? You don’t have to use magic to go to a magic club. Besides, magic clubs play the best music.

Merlin: But…but practicing magic is forbidden in Camelot!

Sir Stefon: Oh, please! I have been out with half the nobles in this kingdom and I can tell you, from personal experience, that those skanks are no strangers to *Poof*. Believe you me.

Merlin: I don’t care what they think. What would our friends think if we got caught?

Sir Stefon: Who? Gwaine? Lancelot? Gwen? I’ve seen them all there. Like I said before, you don’t have to use magic to go to a magic club. Normies go all the time.

Merlin: Wait…Gwen too?

Sir Stefon: Oh yeah, she’s a total Mag-Hag.

Merlin: Wow. Well, maybe it won’t be so bad then…

Sir Stefon: I’m telling you, every scrumptious knight worth his Mead-garita salt will be there. You’d be surpised how many of them have, uh, shall we say “dabbled” in the arts? (begins counting off on his fingers) Sir Justin Timberlake. Sir Robert Pattinson. Sir Andrew Garfield. Sir Jesse Eisenberg….

Melrin: Sir Jesse and Sir Andrew?!

Sir Stefon: Oh I know, riiiiight? I saw Sir Andrew at the premiere of a play with that limp-haired shrew from the House of Woodward. I told my friend, Sir Seth Meyers, I told him: “Gurl, he must be using magic if he has to look at that all day long.” Face like that would make anyone turn to sorcery.

Merlin: I didn’t think I gave off any, uh, magic vibes. How did you know- how did you know what I was?

Sir Stefon: (sassy finger snap) Witch, please…